March 2025

Welcome to eclipse season. The most beautiful, rejuvenating week in a long time, since years. The power of fire to clear and cleanse. Amazing.

This month, I am putting two of my journal entries below.

Strength. Courage.

19 march 2025

I am back inNY. I felt so good like sohigh coming back from my trip and being in Istanbul it was like this magic. And lightness filled my heart and body and I just felt so positive and happy and rewnewed. In the jung course we learned about the function of renewal or rejuvenation. I  feel like traveling reset me totally refreshed my soul. I keep remembering haruns words and think, maybe, the whole purpose of this trip was to hear him tell me to be strong and that everything will be okay that night and for some reason I needed ot hear it from him. And I feel him or what he represented orfelt like to me in my ehart and it makes me feel trusting and close to something more. This is the greatest gift. I am changing my diet, focusing on eating healthy things for my gut and that go with my body ebcuasei know diary and gluten never sat well with me in the us in particular. I feel the par tof me again that would love to live in Europe or turkey or somewhere in the middle east. Somewhere open and energized and historic. The land feels so connected there, I feel connected there. To myself. In an alive way. I keep thinking of going back to the middle east and Egypt and to see new places and feel the land in the middle of the world and ancient sites. My skin is so much clearer and I feellighter and happier. And some of the things I was constantly worring about melted / away. I felt like smiling so much int eherapy and it was different.

Part of me feels a need to grasp and hold on and go back to have it again. To make it real again. To relive it all. Although the magic of it comes with it being temporary and quick, and ending, and not long lasting. The one night with ahrun makes the message and memory stronger. I will never forget because it was so beautiful and just the impact it had on me at that specific moment in my life and in time is cant be put into words for the type of gratitude and reverence I feel for him, even while I do not even know him and he is like a stranger to me, he somehow represents so much and touched something in me so deep. I believe this is what the MC – I had points touching with him and others – the MC is about, life path and direction and feeling who you are in the world.

4 April 2025

I am taking a minute, before the start of my day and the close of the week. Friday. I am taking a minute to pour my thoughts, my ideas and my experiences that I’m processing. From a busy month. A whirlwind. I don’t consider myself somebody that Is always busy and doing something but I feel like time went by so fast this month and its already into April.

 March was a significant month for me. It is the start of eclipse season. IT was a month full of travel, going to Italy, Turkey and Florida. I felt so open and inspired and powerful during and after my trip it was like something shifted dramatically in that environment and in my interactions, little and big, with the people I met.

Returning was like I felt my confidence shifting back into existing patterns, and I feel new York has a certain density in its thought structures and social structures that are rigid and that I can observe being an American and being somewhat stuck or fixed within the news cycles and wider social / political sentiments going on at this time.

5 April 2025

 I am eating a very turkish breakfast this morning, dates, nuts and halva with coffee. As I cook pork for Bosco. I am finally here, I’ve arrived in my breakfast seat writing mode which I love. The long mornings that extend to lunch time before you know it. New Yokr is very structured, my time here is different than before where I  lounged all day and had didn’t have anything scheduled. Here, I’ve been more intentional about breaking up my day with things outside, like exercise classes or yoga/sound baths like this weekend. I have a fear that If I stay home all day and just walk bosco that I’ll feel sad and bored so I do my best to  do things. At night I feel most guilty for being alone. When I look at my life right now, this season in miy life. I feel still that I am building up the structures for something more durable and lasting, particularly relationships. Its my 5th ish month here, and still my routines and habits are changing, adapting, growing. The first few months I’ve really been focused on consolidating my graduate applications and going to therapy, and being in a few realtionships that now I no longer invest in seeing that it was not what I wanted to create / co-create. Venus retrograde period and mercury retrograde period.

The thing is, I do have friends – Valerie, natalie, klemen, anna, even Teresa, marlen, Thomas, and people through work like Stefan that I could spend time getting to know. I guess when I have this idea in my head, its to make me feel like I am not worthy and not enough, like I’m just this weirdo girl creature. The other idea is that I don’t have a boyfriend because everyone else is prettier and more fun than me, which is just an idea that again puts me down. Of course I want healthy and mutually supportive relatinoships in my life, and at the same time I can hold my worth high, or want to, no matter the circumstances. Both things needs to be true and to trust myself that I am doing the best I can. I signed up for volley ball next month. And I am doing the best I can amidst the complexities of my schedule and not fully living in nyc all the time, going back to CT with bosco, etc… Now that I finished grad apps maybe I’ll have more space and time for these things.  

The other thing, another key theme for a while now, is the 6th house routines and schedules. I’ve been working a lot in cycles on my things health, nutrition, bosco (allergies, food, just taking care of him and making sure hes okay wherever he is), and work routines, travel/commuting. This has been my life. I think most of my energy goes to just like structuring my time and what I am doing down to the smallest moments; how to fit in yoga, stretching, exercise. So much focus on scheduling.

Be strong. Be courageous. Be bold. These reminders of my power are so important. I think, fundamental. There is still an element of not knowing the future and surrendering, as in trusting that how I’m investing my time and my intentions for growth, love, meaningful and aligned relationships, are being magnetized within me. I feel a strong sense of waiting with patience and gratitude, often the most difficult part of manifesting.  

And I remember that coming to this point with Bosco has been my goal and dream for the past years as well, now it is here. I am living this reality that I manifested now. The next phase is connecting with supportive like-minded, collaboaative, community and group vibes for healthy connections and being open to new experiences.

I was thinking how funny it was the other day that I’ve been dreaming/manifesting Hermes, and first, it was about to come through because Linden wanted to buy me something from there ( maybe not serious, but I stopped seeing him, although I fully believe he was serious about that, quite desperate), and second, in Istanbul I went to this knock off scarve store where I met Harun and it was full of Hermes obviously fake scarves, and I bought them. The tag fell off quickly, but it was funny because I’ve been focused on getting a Hermes scarf; also the other day I was talking about a French dog named Hermes. I just think these small coincidences are so interesting, and I think signs that my manifestations were coming through, albeit in interesting unexpected ways, and showing me how specifying what/how is helpful… to feel deeper into what it is within that idea that really attracts me.

What I really want to manifest in my life is the feeling of being adored. Feeling desired, loved, protected, adored. Protected is a big one. That’s how I felt with Harun, feeling like I was really cared about and wanted to keep me safe and comfortable and give me a beautiful experience to enjoy. That’s why It hit me so deep. Because I long to be loved in a pure and deep unconditional way, to be fully seen and accepted.