April 2024

This month was eclipse season. The portal that speeds up time, ending, beginnings, shifts.

A few notable points. Tom signed the divorce paper when I went back. I started studying astrology ‘officially’ and shared with people my dreams-turned into-real-plans of psycho analysis. Dream journaling showing me symbols of ocean/water travel being somewhere new, men in my life. I wasn’t expecting Tom to make out with me when I went there, and also how different it felt.

I’ve been crying a lot about how the end of a whole grand chapter in my life the end of everything. It’s never coming back.

At the same time I’m going deeper and deeper with each step I take in the direction of studying what I love and what calls to me. The things I could spend all day doing without even realising any time has past. That scares me. Where it is taking me I don’t know and there’s a leap of faith going in that direction.

MAntra about letting go of the past and trusting in the FUTURE. Opening my heart to the right people, to trust in a blind path based on solely how it FEELS.

I cried a lot in the past weeks. About everything just to feel it. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if there was anything I was crying about in particular besides just needing to release.

My practices continue to be in the domain of touching, knowing my desire - my truth -, vulnerability with myself and others what I really want and how I really feel. saying the things that scare me and doing the things that scare me or push me to put my money where my mouth is in a sense. take the step, do the thing type of energy. making the dream a reality, but the dream that i’ve always wanted the BIG dream. THE dream. Feeling and imagining more into the next chapter of my life and what I want to create and give back, which is like everything I feel in myself and desire and to work in some way in service to others and infuse that into a practice or vocation that feels more like a give and take with the material that i’m absorbing myself.