August 2024
August. I’m writing this in September and the summer already feels like it’s melted away. Late August is also like that. Friday’s have turned into a work in Wilton day, with the dogs which I love. The past few weeks have felt wild and unexpected and I feel so different, its been such a journey from the start of the year and I feel like marking and reflection on time and how I’ve grown in such little time is one of the most beautiful things about life.
My words in my 2024 manifestation for this month were “emotional release in projects”, “putting visions into form”, and “artistry”. A few things: I signed up for the psychoanalysis intro class every Wednesday for the last months of the year; I took a week off and rested, a lot moved during that time; I shifted my focus towards moving on and up in my life to live in the city, transition to mental health counseling to become a therapist; met and started becoming friends with Klemen; and met Thomas as the result of months of therapy and after separation we had a couples therapy session; Daniella and Jack’s wedding.
All these are monumental things really. Results and Beginnings and Endings of cycles, I really feel. Around the new moon / partial eclipse in this time, and a lot aligning to my chart angles., and with Uranus.. I started reading about sado/maschism / bdsm / dominatrix …. and literally feel how that book and knowledge came to me or was attracted to me because I am learning the lessons around personal power. The shift in my actions showed this too, when I started finding out what I needed to know from lawyers, asking tom’s mom, and taking the advice to DO what I needed to rather than being a weak, flacid person. This is a strong message for me. I realized that I do and can change everything about my life, and seeing this as possible. I used to feel hopeless but at some point and talking about things in therapy maybe, I felt like wow. That is SO obvious, why have I not thought about that this whole time? Like the fact that I actually can move and live in the city by myself, that’s a very real possibility even with Bosco, it never even occurred to me because of how I was thinking and I believe how my mind or energy was blocking that out just because it wasn’t the right time. I didn’t even want to do that before, but now it doesn't sound that bad.
This month my feelings also really shifted. I used to feel attached and pulled to tom still, and maybe it's because the weirdly aligned timing of meeting somebody in this time and the intensity and emotionality of that, its like my life completely shifted its center of gravity. ITs amazing really how these things work. I finished reading the vital feminine spark book, another lessons and right at the time that I feel I’m taking my personal power to the next level.
I always feel like my life is lived from the inside out. That the external shifts and reflects back to you once you’ve shifted something internally. I feel this very strongly with relationships at the moment / this period in my life. And I’m grateful for that.
Also, I feel like I’m starting to enjoy being free / single. It’s nice to have that and also like to not really have a fixed future. Even though at the same time its a huge source of fear and anxiety, sometimes the other side of that comes through like just being able to enjoy being young and healthy and beautiful and not have kids like isn’t that a luxury? And I don’t need to feel bad for that. I put my energy into myself this past months and feel like I’m flying like the buttery fly symbol was preemptive to what I’m cultivating and calling in and experiencing in new ways. I also see how everything is cyclic, and somethings before showed up like men I was seeing that didn’t work out, and by letting that go and clearing space.
So anyway, I’m selling my car now and planning to move to the city. Still figuring out exactly what / when and the details but it will feel right and it will happen smoothly and naturally I know that. Also I feel like mental health counseling is a good pathway for me and I also want to make more money while i’m doing that because it seems the most easy option, like I can live in one place and won’t have the same struggles as I do here, and it all depends but I feel I have a loose but clear enough plan of where i’m headed in my life which is nice. It's like a new compass for what I want and I’m going towards it slowly and steadily.