October 2024
Today is 3 November, and I am eating breakfast at the island counter in Wilton. Sunday morning. Bosco is laying underneath.
How have things changed this month? It feels like it has been a busy month in all ways.
I searched for apartments, returned my car, went away for my birthday with Klemen. He made a trip plan and did it all himself and surprised me with it and it honestly made me cry because it was the most somebody has done for me and it was so thoughtful and beautiful and sweet. And he acted like it was normal but it was so nice and amazing of him to have done that.
Now I was accepted for an apartment, and am just paying for it now and tressing that something will go wrong…. I’ve been doing affirmations and work around my confidence and worthiness specifically in relationships and with others that I do have a lot to contribute. I told Tom I wanted a divorce and that I knew it was right and didn’t want to go on vacation with him, as we had planned since August with our couples therapy.
Astrologically, there was a new moon in scorpio on my moon 9; squaring Pluto and mars.
I saw Hima. and Started talking to Robert, this guy from years ago that I unblocked. That was interesting, but also weirdly disappointing like it’s not fulfilling for me to go out with so many people. It feels complicated with Klemen, like he always asks me how I feel about things and I feel like I can’t give him an answer that is clear enough for him and it stresses me out because I feel misunderstood after trying and like I distance myself more and I don’t know if that is what I want. I like being close to him and enjoy my time with him but I just don’t think I am ready in my life and emotionally to commit in some way to one person like that I just need more time. And it’s confusing for me to have to formulate clear feelings about it because he’s also preoccupied and like hasn’t really expressed something clear for how he sees me or us; he’s asking me that.
I was really busy at work these past few weeks and also taking classes still. I guess I don’t feel as torn as I used too, or heartbroken. and I’m doing new things and I feel like im letting go of a lot including doubts and beliefs and seeing myself and how I have thought of myself in a new light through relationships.